A slightly emotional diary entry
I write this with tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart….. Walking the road of the unseen is not for the weak. The very journey will expose every weakness within your being, Every doubt of your mind, and every crack in your faith. The pain, however, is the very origin of the medicine. Without knowing what hurts, how do you know what to heal?
A healer, a seer, the ‘gifted’, go through nights that words can’t accurately convey. There are wounds so deep that even once they heal, the scars themselves have wounds; requiring you revisit, revisit and revisit, until you have reached complete closure. This path alone drives people to complete madness. The tests are so difficult that they almost encourage you to abandon everything you’ve worked on…. yet, when you remain disciplined dispite all you are faced with, the pain begins to lessen. It’s an annoying dichotomy, in all honesty. It is immensely challenging, because throwing in the towel would be oh so easy. And entertaining the temptation, what happens to the one that does: give in? Well, surprisingly, life does not get easier. In fact, it gets harder, but rather a different difficulty. The difficulty comes from living out of alignment with your purpose and destiny. When one deviates from what their program is, the challenges proceed, but the alleviation does not. That in itself is the main reminder keeping one on their true path. The motivation lies in knowing that if I continue somewhere my soul does not want to be, I have no chance of living what I feel to be true. There also lies the driving motivation to keep hope alive, that if I remain obedient to the call, the relief will follow.
And thus, one remains, or rather, strengthens the conviction in walking the unseen path.
It is immensely similar to being pregnant. There is growth happening that, initially, only you feel. There is no loud outward announcement. There is no neon sign signaling ‘YES, SEED GROWING.’ There is just sensation. When you feel, you are guided. Guided to keep nourishing yourself, and to nourish yourself better. To rest, and allow the feelings to keep guiding you. The guidance you prayed for, you received, just in a mere whisper, when you were fully expecting an instruction manual. This world does not work like that.
When you are able to remind yourself that where you are headed is unlike anywhere you have been, you can keep yourself in check. And it does get difficult, and it does become more trying, in fact, not less, like you imagined. But, much like a video game, as the level of difficulty increases, so does the reward. You get better at a hard thing, the same thing that was considered hard before is now easy, and so you are presented with a new version of hard. This is a part of the evolution. Like with pregnancy, some of the symptoms become easier to deal with, but then you become heavier and your body changes how it carries the weight and you are introduced to new challenges. You just have to remind yourself you are growing something in the unseen. You cannot let yourself be discouraged by a hard time, or by a mood swing, or by rising hormonal levels, as your very essence itself is changing.
If anything, a hard time is a sign you are doing something different. How you handle that hard time will indicate what you are doing differently.
Be patient. Take a nap. Shower. And keep your heart, mind and soul open for the world to surprise you. The miraculous exists, why would it exclude you?
-L