To Be or To Be
In Spanish the verb to be has two different translations: Ser - a permanent state of being and Estar - a temporary state of being. This distinction is key in remembering that our current state of being may not be a permanent one; and the linguistic faculty in Spanish allows us to remember that with more clarity. That distinction doesn’t exist in English, and so every time we proclaim I am, are we charging it with the weight of permanence?
In spanish, Ser is used to express things that do not change, for example: Soy un mujer (I am a woman), Es una piedra (It is a rock)
Estar explains temporary states of being, such a location, time, and changing states such as moods, emotions, feelings. Estoy en Shanghai (I am in Shanghai), Esta las 6:30 (It is six thirty), Estoy emocionada (I am excited).
Remembering that emotional states, experiential states are temporary can allow you to value them better while you are in the experience: E.g. I may be feeling this sadness right now but it won’t last, so while i’m here why don’t I allow myself to explore the feeling fully. Where is it? Perhaps in my heart, Maybe it’s physical and I feel it in my hands? Describe the sensation, does it have a shape? a movement? a color? Is this feeling the same as a prior one? and if it is different, how?
Getting to know your temporary states is how you anchor in your awareness. It is also how you assure that you don’t fall into the illusion of forever.
Going through a difficult time is only made harder by your perspective; if you view a rough season like a life sentence it really can turn into one.
As this distinction doesn’t exist in English, when you are going through a hard time, what is the language you use? it is a lot of always and never? Because every time we affirm our difficulty, we send it echoing through time and space, tethering our experience to the very difficulty we want to surpass.
Then on the other end there are those that are secretly (and likely unconsciously) addicted to a difficult time because the struggle has merged with the identity and that is who they view themselves to be. To be one with struggle. Because there is an ever popular narrative that the hard time is what gives you worth. Be clear, a hard time may provide you with resilience and with skills otherwise not developed; but does that mean one should go looking to make life harder?
As I’ve grown I’ve come to realize that life doesn’t get easier. As you go developing skillset you become better equipped at dealing with a hard time. Its like working out; if you walk into the gym for the first time in your life as a grown adult and attempt to bench press 100lbs, with a history of a very sedentary life before, you may do it but it will cost your body a lot of work. Now with 1 year of constant strength, conditioning and stretching - that same task is relatively easy - you’ve been developing the posture, muscle and technique to deal with the task at hand and now you are better at it. The task in itself is the same amount of difficulty, but you are a different you approaching it- same goes for life.
The difficult season may be harder or easier or longer or further, but as you get better at life you get better at dealing with rocky terrain. This happens if you allow yourself to be molded by your experiences and not defined by them. Taking a bag full of words to push a boulder up a mountain will not help you push the boulder, but stretching, developing muscle, using proper technique and engaging your whole body will. This is like life.
TRY:
Examine what beliefs you’ve held on to for a long time. Which one’s are so aged that they’ve fossilized in your being. What parts of your perceived identity are you unable to part ways with?
Sometimes our own self-definition is where our blockage exists. What you define yourself as dictates the choices you make, the opportunities you take and the people you engage with. It is all a matter of perception. Free yourself from your own limited perspective, allow yourself to be. Then retrospectively you can see who you were.
I am a good person :
well, to start off with Good is subjective and fleeting. What may be good for you in this very instance, may cause you harm in 30 minutes, and after 2 years have been a positive perge, and then later on is viewed as bad again. Don’t get caught up in what you perceive to be good; because often times your own definition of the word will fail to be consistent throughout its variety of applications.
I am afraid of XYZ:
there is physiological fear - fear experienced physically through the body. and there are mentally constructed fears that live in the mind and that influence the physical sphere second hand. Physiological fears need to be dealt with as they are: physically; by stimulating, or rather calming, the nervous system. Mentally created fears are much easier to deal with, you simply decide to not be afraid. What would happen if just once, you put your fears to the side and dealt with the challenge ahead as if you weren’t afraid, as if you were comfortable? Spoiler alert, it would be un-dramatic, perhaps even boring, and most definitely wouldn’t serve as an excuse as to why you didn’t do the million things you should have. So give it a go. Chose the boring side that doesn’t serve your manipulation for a change, chose a side that favors presence over history. History only lives because it remains present in the now.
I am religious:
Have you ever examined how perhaps some of the adopted religious beliefs may not be true - truthfully to you. But may be adopted out of convenience. aka, it is easier to accept the whole than to dissect what is applicable to you. Sometimes the religious no you have adopted, or been conditioned into accepting, is blocking you from exactly what you need.
For many of us our ser is much less relevant, because who we are is constantly changing, adapting, fleeting. Things you had resonance with when you were younger may be of little value to you now. Music you listened to before may speak little to your present. What is your estado? what is your state of being? your continualy changing state defines the life you live, the experience you have. We may experience the exact same thing a million different ways thanks to our perspective, mood, health etc.. Most states are not permanent, so don’t confuse yourself and fall into the trap that life is fixed. Miracles happen; roads open; life changes. Be open to the change.
When we just are instead of defining what we are we give ourselves the freedom to experience each moment as the only one.
Remember, it’s not always who are you, but what are you.
Is your current state reflective of what will be your life forever? Or is your state temporary and are you honoring it as such?
Go through your season, feel your feelings, reflect, and move on. Move on by staying present.